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The case against Anderson and the India spinner Ravindra Jadeja was finally dropped when the ICC chief executive, Dave Richardson, decided the governing body would not lodge an appeal against the verdict of Gordon Lewis, the judicial commissioner.

Lewis found both players not guilty because of the lack of plausible evidence about their encounter on the second day of the first Test in Nottingham.

I say, ‘I am fat.’ He says ‘No, you are beautiful.’ I wonder why I cannot be both. We do plays that involve singing animals and children with the ability to fly, but apparently no one has enough willing suspension of disbelief to go with anyone loving a fat girl. I will not take sex tips from you on how to please a man you think I do not deserve. Sometimes I fear the day he does will be the day he leaves. The cute hipster girl at the coffee shop assumes we are just friends and flirts over the counter.

My college theater professor once told me that despite my talent, I would never be cast as a romantic lead. He does not believe me when I tell him he is beautiful.

England have been given licence to carry on swearing.

As the International Cricket Council published details of the full and sometimes extremely frank exchanges which led to the disciplinary hearing for Jimmy Anderson last Friday, England’s captain, Alastair Cook, made it clear he was perfectly content with the way his side behave in the wake of that abusive lunchtime tirade at Trent Bridge.

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